When we talk about love, the kind we hold highest in regard is unconditional love – the kind of love that parents have for their children, spouses have for each other, and people have for their pets. This is the love we all strive for, because it means that when we mess up (which we inevitably will), we can count on the love still being there. We can trust.
Often our self-love falls under the category of conditional love. We are able to love ourselves when we behave the way we want to behave, when we are able to reach the goals we set for ourselves. But as soon as we mess up and miss a deadline or bomb an interview or eat an entire chocolate cake by ourselves, we are filled with thoughts like “I never do anything right” or “I’m lazy or stupid or fat or worthless or all of the above.” Loving yourself conditionally is like loving anyone else conditionally – it is limiting and damaging and frankly, you deserve better.
We know logically that none of us is perfect. We forgive our loved ones for their wrongdoings. We understand their weaknesses, and understand that their weaknesses are part of their wonderful, glorious selves, perfect with all their trouble and scars. But we often fail to forgive our own wrongdoings, and deny ourselves the necessity of self-love as punishment for some imagined infringement.
I’ve witnessed the mushy puddles of love people become around their dogs. I do the same thing when I see my cat. I pick her up and cuddle her (she totally loves it) and kiss her little furry head and tell her I missed her and I love her soooooo much. I give her treats just for existing. I do this even though I know there’s a 100% chance there’s a turd on the floor somewhere I have to clean up.
I often don’t treat myself nearly as well or with as much love, even though I’ve never pooped on the floor. In fact, I’m more critical of myself than I am of, well, anyone I know.
The thing is, even though my brain says that being critical of myself is the way to get better, I’ve proved through experience that that’s not true. Quite the opposite, the more I think of myself as a lazy worthless slob, the more I act that way.
The more you drown yourself in negative self-talk, the more it becomes a pattern. A great way to reverse the pattern and start talking to yourself with love is with affirmations.
I used to think affirmations were silly at best, desperate at worst. For the same reason I didn’t want to be seen browsing the self-help aisle at Barnes & Noble, I didn’t like the idea of telling myself over and over that I was smart and talented and lovable (especially when I really believed the opposite). But the more I read about affirmations, positive thinking and their power in the physical world, and the more I experience those things for myself, the less I worry about what people think.
Not to mention that nobody has to know you’re doing affirmations if you don’t want them to. You can do them in your mind or out loud at home by yourself, or write them in a journal.
Even if you struggle with believing you DESERVE to love yourself, after trying it you will be shocked at how much better you feel. One reason to love yourself, or meditate, or practice mindfulness or gratitude or positive thinking, even if you think of it all as a bunch of new-age hooey, is because it just feels SO MUCH BETTER than thinking of yourself as awful and the world as cruel and unfriendly.
And, of course, you DO deserve to love yourself. You are a miraculous, one-of-a-kind human, “a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars” (Max Ehrmann).
Just like negative thought, positive thinking and self-love have a snowball effect. The more you practice them, the easier and more natural they will become, the better you will feel, the more your life will improve, and so on.
“Love yourself, and the bluebirds of happiness will be your permanent backup singers.”
-Jen Sincero
Happy Mindful Life 
❤