I know how it goes. I’ll be confident after I lose some weight, or get that promotion, or get a boyfriend, or find the right dress, or whatever it is.
The idea that confidence comes from achievements is rooted in a mistaken idea that who we are depends on what we have/look like/accomplish.
This is a common and damaging idea that I subscribed to for most of my life. I felt like I didn’t deserve self love, or to be confident, because I hadn’t achieved what I wanted to achieve.
In other words, I completely ignored every wonderful thing about myself in order to focus on (and hate myself over) a few flaws.
Because I believed in these flaws so much, I decided I wasn’t worthy. Not worthy of my self love, not worthy of the pursuit of my dreams, not worthy of a good relationship.
When you decide you can’t have something, you stop trying. And when you stop trying, it only gets worse – the guilt, the shame, and the self-hate.
We can only be our best selves when we can recognize our own good. We all have flaws, but we all have wonderful qualities, talents, and knowledge too. It can be tough to begin to recognize our own beauty when we’re so used to focusing on our ugliness, so a good way to start is with this simple affirmation:
“I love myself and approve of myself exactly as I am.”
The more uncomfortable it is to say, the more you need to say it. All the time. Any time your mind wants to tell you you’re lazy, or fat, or ugly, or stupid, cut it off with “I love myself and approve of myself exactly as I am.”
The more you tell yourself this, the easier it will get, and the truer it will feel. You can expand to “I am beautiful. I am smart. I am talented. I can do the thing (whatever the thing is).”
When you recognize your own good, nobody and nothing can take it away from you. No rejection or failure will hurt you, because you will have your own unconditional self-love, which is the most important love of all. You will have faith in your own wings, and stop worrying about the branch.
Happy Mindful Life 